The Kokomo Post Rewinds: Julia Roberts movies
By DAN WEST
The Kokomo Post staff
Nostalgia can be a heck of a thing, but do the movies we loved as kids really hold up? Is “Space Jam” really my favorite movie, or have I just not watched it since I was 10? In The Kokomo Post Rewinds, we will check out movies and shows from decades past and see if they hold up to today’s scrutiny. This week’s theme: Julia Roberts movies!
Seriously, why would you try to marry a woman who dragged a child as she ran away?
“Runaway Bride”
Let me say in advance that I am not the target market for this type of movie, so my reviews aren’t going to be quite as enthusiastic as they were when I was looking at Adam Sandler or the animated movies. I saw this movie for the first time in high school, and I was wondering the entire time when Christopher Meloni was going to punch Richard Gere. I didn’t care for this movie because even at 15 the premise was too unbelievable for me. I can believe two morons convinced people all weekend that their boss’s corpse was partying. I can believe in Asgardians with lightning hammers fighting evil robots. I can even believe in Brad Pitt saving the Oakland A’s baseball team with nothing but math. But I draw the line at a fourth person trying to marry a woman who ran away from three weddings in the same small town.
The Verdict: This is a better movie than I remember. The acting was entertaining, and even though the premise is still ridiculous and hokey, it’s handled in a fun way. I think I’m less cynical now than I was as a teenager (can you believe that this is a LESS cynical version of me?), and that let me suspend disbelief and just enjoy the movie. I also really enjoyed getting to see Christopher Meloni punch Richard Gere, since he had it coming for the entire movie.
RATING: 4 “times in the ’90s I thought Elias Koteas was Christopher Meloni” out of 5. I know they don’t look alike now, but in the 90s I was CONVINCED these two are the same person. As far as the movie goes, I haven’t heard anything about remakes or reboots, but my favorite scene is right here.
This is the nicest thing she says to anyone throughout the movie, including her kids.
“Erin Brockovich”
I don’t remember much of this movie as a kid, but I do remember loving it. I was raised by a single father, so the idea of a scrappy single parent sticking up for families victimized by a faceless corporation that doesn’t care about them really resonated with me. She stayed true to herself, took care of her family and saved the day for countless people who never would have gotten justice without her, and I loved that.
The Verdict: This movie is incredibly well acted. I completely forgot Aaron Eckhart was in it, and he’s one of my favorites. It turns out I also forgot just how unlikable Erin Brockovich was portrayed in the movie. She’s the hero of the movie (and the true story), but she’s incredibly rude to almost everyone she meets, well beyond just “sticking up for herself.” She fat shames a co-worker, screams profanity at her boss, and treats her boyfriend like garbage, as well as neglects her kids. I have no idea why the real Erin Brockovich ever signed off on having a cameo in this movie, it makes her look like a terrible person who did one good thing but for all the wrong reasons. This is a great movie, but I’m going to choose to believe they took a lot of artistic liberties, because otherwise I’m just going to be mad at how well she comes out at the end.
RATING: 5 inexplicably still alive Tamagotchis out of 5. This is a great movie, and the fact that I felt so strongly about the main character’s terrible behavior just shows it was incredibly well acted. This is the final scene in the movie, where the man who hired her despite no experience, brought her back despite her terrible attitude and attendance record, then gave her a huge bonus and a car to allow her to keep working, plays a joke on her and she flips out at him instead of giving him just a little bit of the benefit of the doubt he’s earned.
This is what they said to all of my fun memories of this movie.
“Hook”
This counts as a Julia Roberts movie, right? She’s a major character, and she drives the entire plot several times, so I’m counting it. I thought about doing “Pretty Woman,” but I’ve never actually seen that movie so it wouldn’t properly fit the theme of this blog. I adored “Hook” as a child. It’s peak Robin Williams energy, plus an amazing cast of side characters, bright colors, and swashbuckling action. Add to that how sweet it is at the end when he brings all the Lost Boys back to find parents, and it’s a perfect movie. I knew going in that the moment Rufio dies was going to be hard for me, but overall this movie is a major foundation for my childhood, and I was excited to watch it again.
The Verdict: Holy crap. This movie is traumatizing. Peter Pan leaves people emotionally devastated throughout his entire life with no real concern for their feelings. Imagine being Wendy, loving this boy your entire life, only to find out he could have come back to your world and grown up the entire time, and he only chooses to do it now because he wants to marry your granddaughter. Imagine being Tinkerbell, spending your entire existence loving this boy, only to see him repeatedly leave you to be with other women. Imagine being the Lost Boys who, contrary to my memory, do NOT go to the real world to find parents at the end, get abandoned by Peter for a second time because he’s going to be with his “real” family. And he leaves those Lost Boys right after holding Rufio in his arms and hearing the dying words of an orphan, that he wishes he had a father like Peter.
Look, this is a swashbuckling fun movie full of bright colors and laughter for about 45 minutes of its 2.5-hour runtime. The rest of the time it’s full of an alcoholic who is as bad at being a father as he is at being a husband, mentor and friend. Plus, I had to watch Rufio die again! I shouldn’t have rewatched this movie.
RATING: 3 dial up internet sounds out of 5. Listen, this is a traumatic experience, but it also has perfect frantic Robin Williams energy and tons of emotion and fun. Do not show this movie to your children, just let them watch clips of it on Youtube. Start with the dinner scene, it’s fun and delightful.
