Kokomo Kindness Project: Compliments
By ALLI LEE
The Kokomo Post Staff
At The Kokomo Post, it’s one of our goals to make positivity louder. If you haven’t made your mind up on your goals or intent for 2023, let us help. We want you to choose kindness.
This article kicks off a year-long initiative called The Kokomo Kindness Project, in which we want to encourage Kokomo and the surrounding community to share stories of kindness and practice it daily. Each month, we’ll share an article in our Kokomo Kindness series and highlight acts of kindness happening in our community.
This month, our team received some insight from Dr. Melody Marley, PhD, HSPP, with The Counseling and Wellness House, about the psychology of compliments and how the act affects our brains.
What is a compliment?
By the Merriam-Webster definition, a compliment is an expression of esteem, respect, affection or admiration.
“Giving and/or receiving a compliment has several benefits – research tells us that giving compliments makes you feel grateful, increases your overall happiness, and creates a ripple of positivity,” said Marley.
Compliments can be simple, such as sharing that you admire the person’s shoes in front of you in the check out line. They can also be specific and more of an act of encouragement. For example, you may tell a coworker he or she did a great job on a presentation the previous day.
“In addition, giving compliments can strengthen your interpersonal relationships as well as increase your stress resilience and overall health,” said Marley. “Neurologically, when you receive a compliment, it activates the same area of your brain as receiving other types of rewards, such as money! Compliments serve as a social reward that fulfills our emotional need to be recognized and accepted by society – feeling valued and appreciated are basic human needs for everyone!”
When is a compliment appropriate?
As a community, we’d like to challenge you to compliment others more. You should always compliment people you know based on an observation or opinion, but you can also share compliments with new acquaintances or people you meet in public.
“By complimenting someone, you AND the recipient will receive a boost of serotonin,” she said. “Serotonin is most popularly known for feelings of well-being and happiness. In addition to increasing one’s mood, Serotonin is helpful for modulating cognition, motivation, anxiety and memory.”
Yes, you read that correctly, more compliments means more serotonin for everyone!
How do I give a quality compliment?
The inspiration for a compliment may come from a personal observation or event, but you can also be creative and add some humor to your compliments (Keep it classy, Kokomo). When providing a compliment to someone I meet in public, I like to make eye contact, offer the compliment and create conversation or ask questions. Even a simple, “Oh my gosh, I love your shoes! Where did you get them?” can brighten someone’s day.
“Compliments help us communicate the appreciation we may feel towards another person so make it sincere. Compliments mean more when they come from the heart and the head – keep them simple but be specific – this will carry greater meaning with the receiver and have a longer-lasting effect,” said Marley.
One of the biggest lessons we need to learn about compliments is how to accept them.
When you receive a compliment, the classic response is, “Thank you!” From there, the conversation may end or extend, but the interaction remains a positive one either way. I love this tip Dr. Marley shared with us: “Remember, compliments are a gift – try to model for others the way you would best receive a compliment … but when all else fails, simply listen, and say thank you.”
Jan. 24 is National Compliment Day! How can you spread kindness and compliment others in Kokomo this month?
Compliment those who serve you. This could be a waitress at a local restaurant, your delivery person, the staff ringing up your groceries, and many more!
Waiting in line at Kroger? Create conversation with those around you using a compliment!
Walking through the Markland Mall? Compliment a stranger telling them you like their coat because it looks warm or fuzzy or colorful!
Sitting at a red light on Washington? You can compliment a pedestrian or other drivers too!
Not a big people person or don’t enjoy talking with people you don’t know? You can still give compliments- grab a pile of sticky notes and write a positive note or compliment on them and stick them places for others to see! Another great suggestion from Dr. Marley is to, “Practice with someone you trust – develop short, specific compliments you can say to the one you trust until you feel confident sharing compliments with others in the world.”
Many thanks to Dr. Melody Marley PhD, HSPP, with The Counseling and Wellness House here in Kokomo for sharing her knowledge with us and supporting this new project. As January begins our goal for a kinder community, we encourage you to give out some compliments and look forward to next month’s blog.
Help us highlight acts of kindness happening in our community by tagging The Kokomo Post and using #kokomokindness.
